This fucking Covid 19 shit is starting to affect me mentally now, C'mon mate, enough already. At least we can still play golf, that's something, even those Victorian choppers can play now.
For a couple of weeks now, there has been a regular sweepstake. A collection of golf pro's getting together, throwing in an entry fee and playing. 2 balls, social distancing, flags in and all that other shit. The Shooter has been going ok but not great, covering entry fees on occasion with a best finish of 2nd, you never retiring on the shit, you better believe dat girlfriend.
Monday was such a day, played ok last week but on Saturday, the Scotty Cameron went missing, its been doing that a little of late the fucker.
Tee time comes and we go, playing with a guy I had met once before. Both hit it in the fairway, second up near the green, chip, putt. 2 birdies to start, not bad.
Shooter hits it a little right on 3, just a little right, over the mound I used to aim at, now I knock it over the mound for fucks sake. Behind a tree but there is a gap, its a foot wide, ball is on a up slope, out of long grass, got to get it up quick enough to get over the first branch but not too quick that it hits the next branch.
Pretty sure I thought I was Lee Trevino not The Shooter, bang, straight into the branch. Fuck. Ball is now 30 yards behind me behind different trees on a down slope, still in long grass but now I have no gap.
Meanwhile, Old Mate has flushed his and hit his second to 4 feet, before that he says "I'll hit while you are fucking around", so yeah I said.
Now chip it out Shooter you cock, so I chip it into the fairway 30 yards short of the green, now its a hard shot, chip and run it or try and fly it onto a piece of green the size of Blisters toupee, mmm, chip and run is the best bet, that's until it keeps fucking running over the back into the sticky rough. Fuck that was well done.
Flub that fucker out of the velcro and two putt from 20 feet for 7, a fucking quad, Jesus Christ, suddenly its getting hot out here.
Hit driver 70 meters right on 4, lucky that the 5th fairway got in the way, hit a fat second and miss a putt for birdie. Par 5 and 6 to right the ship. Fuck its been an adventure so far.
7 is a par 3 playing 156 today, wind is into, or is it ? cant tell, should be coming off the lake left to right, no, definitely into. Ill hit 6 to counter the wind off the left and hit a slight draw to hold it into it.
I was never right, crisp 6 iron, high, slight draw to hold against the wind, that part was no problem, as the ball flew over the green it was doing all the right things, too bad it was 20 yards over the back in the fucking spikey bush. A fucking snake lives in there.
Chip it on while looking for my friend the red belly black snake and then 3 whack that for a nice double. Fuck me, what else can happen. Just a cool 5 over now.
Its a fucking hurricane now on 8, makes it hard to fly the lake and bunkers, even for Shooter. Aim it at the mound left of the bunkers, jeez, that came off good, why is it going left though.
I knew it was fucked when it flew the trees on Singlets Hill.
Found it, Out of Bounds stuck in a tree 2 feet off the ground, to make it better, I spiked myself in the hand with thorns trying to get the little fucker out.
Not going back to hit another, kiss the $100 goodbye. Clearly I had too much money this week. Where is my friend the Snake, bite me now to put me out of my misery.
Make a shit par on 9 and that matches my attitude to golf, just shit, now it's hot, my left knee hurts, right foot is killing me, finding it hard to walk, got a headache, left elbow is sore. I am thinking about getting a cart for the back 9.
No, push through Shooter, Tiger won a US Open on 1 leg, I can play the next 9 surely. In my defense, Tiger had one thing sore, just a leg, I had heaps more sore things.
Birdie 10, Par 11, 3 iron off the tee on 12 and a sublime 56 degree wedge from 91 meters, lands softly, one bounce and a little check to 5 feet, hole that for birdie. Left elbow is feeling better at -2 I noticed.
Par 13 with a little lip out, almost threw the disobedient Scotty Cameron in the marsh on the left of the green. Decided to keep it.
Flushed a driver down 14, so far, miles. Had 204, slight tail wind. Shooter looks in the bag, looks bag at the flag, back at the bag.
Confidently Shooter takes the 5 iron, absolutely flushes it, it only has eyes for the flag. I saw it bounce, it looks so good. Just on the front edge, another birdie. Now the headache is gone, Left elbow has had a remarkable recovery, knee is still a little sore, foot still fucked. Trending in the right direction though.
Par 15, 16 and 17. Three deep for the back now one to play. Here is a chance to make a name for yourself Shooter, go deep and restore the faith.
Smother hook comes off strong, hard left and really fucking low, going like a tracer bullet.
Smashes into the left fairway bunker face at 180 kph. Aren't we lucky we have preferred lies in bunkers, thanks Corona Virus.
Take a preferred lie, hit 7 iron out of the trap into the fairway between the next two traps, a good result in the circumstances. Now I have 73 meters to a flag cut near the left trap, wind off the left as it always is.
Could you wish to see a better shot, I doubt it, little cut up landing left of the flag and sitting down as soft as a pensioners turd, 8 feet from the hole.
Walk up and one of the guys that had finished already said "shot Shoot", I tipped the hat in his direction.
The putt breaks slightly left to right from here. As most of you know, The Shooter has made many putts on 18 for lots of cheddar in the past. Shooter was staring this down, stalking it like he was the predator and the hole his prey.
Brazilian smooth stroke and the ball rolls perfectly inside left lip, slight break and falls in the centre of the hole.
This however was for no cheddar, just another donation. After shooting -4 for the back my foot finally got a little better too.
Athlete Shooter out