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NSW Swing - WTF Edition

Time to get back on tour.

The Shooter's plan is this, down to St Georges Basin, like that course for some reason, then to Mollymook, really like that course for some reason too, then drive to Canberra, leave the car, fly home for a couple of weeks then fly back to Canberra, pick up car, play Fairbairn and drive to Lukey Fairways house for Thurgoona, then Cowra, Moss Vale, on to Richmond and then home.

Lukey loves being called Lukey Fairways now a days, not sure why, it does have a ring to it but sometimes he needs to be called Lukey Right Rough.

St Georges Basin ends up being a cluster fuck and The Shooter had more shots than the Belmont Rifle Range, fucking heaps, new putter required.

Mollymook is still a great track, had 1000 hits there as well, fuck me, what a fucking cock up, finished 10 shots outside last money.

It's a shame I like the place so much, it continually beats the living shit out of me. Might have to rethink that one in the future.

Fuck this shit, golf is too hard, withdrawal from Cowra and Moss Vale.

Now I am trying to enact the part of my plan that includes flying home, wow, its expensive now, maybe I should have looked at this earlier. Change of plan required.

If I am staying, I need to enter Links Shell Cove, Bondi, Springwood, Blackheath and Fairbairn before Thurgoona, fucked if I want to play that much golf, I'm really more suited to this gig as a part timer but cant really hang around doing nothing.

Links Shell Cove blows 50mph all day, gusts up to 70mph and we get taken off the course when the lightning and extreme weather arrives, The Shooter grinds and guts out a good finish and a small cheque, some promising signs. Maybe the most promising sign is I went back out after the rain delay. When the rain was coming in sideways on 70 mph gusts, I couldn't remember why I thought staying around here was a good idea.

On the way back to Sydney the extreme weather hits again, pissing rain and its as cold as a mother in laws kiss.

I am now dying for a piss so I stop on the side of the highway in a lowly lit area next to the armco rail. As I walk around the back of the car, its pitch black, I get the wrecker out ready to piss and fuck me if I don't fall down a culvert.

My leg goes half way down a never ending hole and on the way it scrapes all the way down on an exposed concrete edge. Doesn't that fucking hurt.

I am now having visions of IT down the culvert and thinking, this is how I die.

After I get up, check the wrecker to make sure there is no damage there, I complete my business and get back in the car. Blood is running out of me very fast, it stings like someone has sprayed that plastic skin shit out of a can on it. You know that shit you had when you were a kid, it was fucked up then and I'm sure its still fucked up.

I wrap a golf towel around my leg and still have 45 minutes to the hotel.

Then to make it worse MG calls me, yes, the same MG that gets the King Dick room all the time, rich Sydney Poofter. I have claret running out of me at an alarming rate and I tell him what's happened, that rich Sydney poofter cant stop laughing for 20 minutes of my 45 minute drive, what a fuckwit, then, the English poofter, starts laughing as I am trying to explain to him what's gone on.

I'm almost at the hotel and I need some directions but he has had 3/4 of a bottle of wine and couldn't give less of a fuck about me, my injury or how I get to the hotel.

I think I have lost so much blood, I am feeling faint.

Pair of fuckwits.

It takes me hours to get into the hotel and get my leg cleaned up, the pair of knobs are on a group call laughing like drunk school girls and talking to each other while I cant stop the bleeding.

Crisis averted, no antiseptic, no more bleeding.

Out to play Bondi. Got to be the worst golf course I have ever played, ranking right up there with Hurstville. Bondi has a 100 ft high sewer pipe sticking out of the ground in the middle of the 5th hole, sums the place up perfectly.

No fucking parking, hang on, that's not entirely correct, there is 6. That's fucking plenty apparently. You have to park a kilometer away, make sure its not in a metered area or a residential parking area and walk down to the clubhouse with all of your gear past the Sydney latte set looking down their noses, fuck I hate this place.

Blowing 50 again, freezing, rain coming in sideways, why is it always the same in this fucking place. 9 hole shitbox with people walking their fucking dogs around it while the event is going on. What's going on in this fucking place.

The leg is blowing up a bit, rain is hitting it at 60 mph, can't put up an umbrella, wet weather gear is of no use, I think I also stood in a dog shit from the organically farmed short haired poodle that was being chased around the course by a woman named Tiffany, fuck this place.

After 7 holes my playing partner looks at my leg and says "I think that looks infected", he is a garbage man in his real job but that is as close to a doctors opinion I need. I had a look and it didn't look normal, maybe the rain, maybe walking the day after or maybe the dog hair set if off. I advised the playing partners that I was going to withdraw and went straight to the clubhouse for a coffee. That afternoon I went to a chemist warehouse to purchase the required antiseptic and liniment.

Actual footage of the Chemist Warehouse attendant.

So glad I withdrew from Cowra and Moss Vale.

Springwood was a little better, started to hit the ball nicely. The highlights included my chip in birdie on the 3rd and .............

The things I need to work on from that event was the 5 three putts, flub on the last into the bunker to make bogey, the missing greens from 50 mtrs with a lob wedge, the missing greens from 80 with a lob wedge and the starting with 2 bogies out of the gate.

Apart from that there was a little $ to get some more savlon cream.

Not a bad day, some good stuff too. Spoke to The English Poofter and The Mushy, re entered Cowra and Moss Vale.

Blackheath was the next day, sunny and warm in the morning. A complete 180 turn around from last year when 4 people froze to their deaths.

Shooter starts on the 2nd. They have 4 NTP for the pro's which is unusual.

Even par when we arrive at the 5th, 156 mtrs, slightly into the wind off the left.

As soon as the ball left the face, The Shooter says "get in" pure flight, its like the rest of the world stopped, looking like its on it.

The ball finishes 21cm, that might pick up a NTP.

Still even par around through 10, missed a few opportunities too, might be a welcome return to some form.

Stand on 11 tee and hit a very very good shank, it hit the hosel fucking hard, the ball takes off at a 45 degree angle and smashes into a tree about 60 meters off the tee. Well, it was good while it lasted I suppose.

While surveying options, The Shooter looks at chipping out to the fairway, trying to take off more by hitting a cut punch down there to get closer to the green but then Shooter looks up.

If I can hit it under the first tree, then over the second tree, take it over that guys back fence and hook it 40 meters in the air while missing everything, I think it can get near the green.

Sounds solid. Shooter flushes it, under the first tree, over the second branch, out over the guys fence and lost sight of it.

As I walk down I see it sitting up like Jackie on the right edge of the green, what a shot, what a boss move, fuck yeah, doing the happy dance. Then the electric eel bites me again, fuck off you little 3 jabbing bastard.

Right the bus again on 12 and 13 before snap hooking a 4 iron on 14 for bogey and almost getting bitten by a massive 8 ft red bellied black snake on the 15th tee and then missing the green with a wedge to make bogey, fucking snakes.

Birdied 16 by almost holing a 50 degree wedge and get to 17, a par 3, my last for the day, still hoping my 21cm holds up on 5.

126 meters, into the wind with a false front for the first 3 meters of the green over water, Shooter hits a high fading 8 iron, lets the wind do its thing, floating back to the flag and finished 3.68 meters from the hole, not bad but not great. The marker is currently 4.8 meters so I write my name down again, this time I sign it Sharp Shooter.

Trying to hit a driver off 18 tee and fade it over the hill, as usual on this hole, it turns out to be a double cross and get fucked up the ass of tree next to a creek, oh joy, chip that out, make bogey.

One to play, Par 5, 3 ponds down the left, starting at 150 and the lake is 305, thick trees down the right, Shooter flushes one down the left side and it takes a bounce to finish 10 meters short of the lake, nice shot says the gallery, Shooter tips his hat as he picks up the tee.

6 iron from 182, lands on the front of the green and almost goes over the back. The putt from 70 feet left a lot to be desired but the pure roll on the 6 footer for birdie was enough to secure a +1 finish and a T12 finish.

The best part was both NTP shots held up and The Shooter picked up 2 Piano's for his trouble. Gotta love that shit.

So Glad I re entered Cowra and Moss Vale

Picked up another cheque in Canberra at Fairbairn, some untidy shit there to with a double early and another one late in the day. The second double was bullshit. I had 189 into wind uphill, flushed a 3 iron the didn't lever the flag for fucks sake, it landed on the back of the green and took a hard bounce 20 yards out the back dead under a fucking tree.

Sometimes even good shots aren't good enough.

Getting a bit cooked being out here so long, talk to The English Poofter and The Mushy, withdrew from Cowra and Moss Vale.

Off to Lukey Fairways house for some practice before Thurgoona.

Half cooked Shooter out


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