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USGA Shooter update

Hey Choppers,

As usual, it’s fucking hot here in Arizona, just as well I am freeloading at a house that is fully air conditioned otherwise I don’t know what I would do. Played on Monday with TacoBell at Longbow in preparation for the Mid Am Qualifier on Wednesday. Course was a little rough and rugged, especially off the fairways. Started 7,7 with a lost ball on the road so that wasn’t the best. Hit the ball great couldn’t get anything up and down and as usual had 4 x 3 putts. Putting will drive me from the game.

Played Tuesday at Ocotillo, a little Troon managed facility (see, it’s a facility when I am Stateside). Fairways very wet and the greens were a little bumpy. Early on TacoBell hits a thin shot that bounced on the water 4 times then got out, lucky bastard. Later on in the round TacoBell hits a smother hook rescue that skips across the water again up onto the green, it’s clearly the way to play here otherwise he wouldn’t have done it.

Needed an afternoon nap yesterday, absolutely knackered. Today arrives, bad nights sleep, up at 5.30, that’s AM Stickers, no way you have ever seen that sort of time, bit nervous for the Qualifier. First Group on the first tee, the starter announced, from Queensland Australia, Shooter, small gallery clapped, when I say small gallery I meant Sweets. TacoBell in the cart as a caddy, Sweets walking, she wants to get a up close look at a genius at work.

First one is a bit thin with a driver but in the fairway, par 5 start, nice work Shooter, TacoBell gave me a bad yardage on the second (it must have been a bad yardage, its the only reason) and I missed the green long (Monday I hit a ball on the road so long was ok), missed a 3 footer on 3, snap hook snipe with a driver on 4 for a double. It’s all coming apart pretty quick. Couple more bogies and flub chips later, make the turn in 41. Have holed fucking nothing. Have however said fuck a few times.

The back nine starts the same, had a 40 footer down hill for birdie after having 200 mtrs into the wind, rather pleased with myself, leave it 8 feet short, oh no, all fucking day. Make that, make a 12 footer on the next for par after hitting it over the green and a shit chip, next 3 wood hard right in the desert, it’s the fucking Wild West over there, find it, hit it to 8 feet, miss it. Par next.

Long par 4, driver, have 185 mtrs in, told TacoBell I was going to hit a hard 5 iron, turn it over a little and get it to bounce up on the green whilst avoiding the trap. When I looked over for confirmation, as a good caddy would do, I saw TacoBell doing a wanking motion and heard him talking to one of the other players “203 yards wind off the right, 5 iron, dickhead” he said. I was a little hurt by that. Hit the 5 iron, hard, turning over, one bounce onto the green 30 feet, straight uphill putt. Now very pleased with myself, leave the uphill 30 footer, 12 feet short. Make it.

Next par 5, 5 yards off the green for 2, pitch to 5 feet, didn’t get a lip, worst putt I have ever hit. My two playing partners and taking the piss now, telling me I am the only one not to make a birdie all day, fucking yanks.

Par 16, hit driver on 17, shouldn’t have. Another snipe, bounces out of bunker into the rough on the tongue, hit a great shot, lands on the top of the green side bunker, wouldn’t jump fucking forward, has to jump back into bunker, make bogey. After hitting the drive, whilst the ball was still in the air, I announced “fuck you” to the ball. My playing partners agreed it should have been fucked and they said its good to hear the work fuck in an Australian accent.

Last hole, par 5, chance to get home in 2, except you can’t get home in 2 from under a fucking cactus with its spikey things digging into me, unplayable, flub sand wedge out of the fucking rocks. Hit 5 wood on the green to 12 feet. This is going in my book, get fucked Longbow, I win in the end making par with an unplayable drop from under a fucking bush in an arroyo, fuck you.

Didn’t ever look like the putt was going near the hole let alone in.

79 for the third year running. It seems as though 79 is my number, last year I tripled the last, this year I bogied the last 2.

Couldn’t even be the clubhouse leader, the other choppers had 74 and 78. The 78 guy had a swing and a miss on the last, then almost another one and then chipped it on and holed a 20 footer downhill to beat me. Fuck.

Troon North tomorrow, then somewhere Friday, then off to Palm Springs for some more golf. Is hard being the Shooter.

USGA Shooter Out.


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