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Season 4 - Tour Life


The 2022 year is officially underway. Time to take a little 1700 klm drive to Disco Clark's residence in Yarrawonga for a few days prep then down to Geelong and another couple of practice rounds before the pro ams.


Seem to be hitting it pretty well although the fucking thing wont seem to go in the hole. I keep telling myself if I keep hitting good putts eventually some will go in.

Played Lonsdale Links for the first time, with Sweets, Disco and Rose', fuck its windy there and fuck its hard in the wind.


Portarlington first, hit it pretty good, had 39 putts to fall out of the cash, Flushed it at Portsea, doubled the last, had 38 putts for 74, good enough for a T21 finish to pick up some petrol money for the first time in 2022.


Day off and Sweets heads home, Mandalay next, morning start, cold and dark. Shoot +2 with 38 putts to miss the cash by a shot. Glad I got up at the crack of 5am to do that for fucks sake.

Gardiners Run was playing long due to the cold and wind. Finished par, eagle, par, par, birdie to shoot even par and get to put another giant novelty check in the back of the tour bus. 2 out of 4 is ok.


The Vic Foursomes was not the best day as I lost 2 of my partners golf balls, that didn't go down to well, although I holed it from 4 feet on the last, longest putt of the day and our only birdie.

Settlers Run the day after, started on 16 and flushed a drive to have 192 in on the par 5, smashed a 5 iron to 20 feet and lipped out the eagle putt, then birdied the next and made par on 18, what a great start. It finished softly and it was a sad +2 for yet another cheque, albeit a small one, but it also makes you think if I could hole some putts it would be better.

Northern Golf Club the next day, morning start, although I did start on the 1st hole this time.

Slowish start but as the temperature got better so did the golf, that's until the fucking 5th.


Short par 4, just in the right rough, second shot spears out slightly right out of the wet grass and lands in the right trap, short sided of course.

Leave that in trying to be Seve, fucking wet sand, then blade the next 50 meters over the green. Now I am truly fucked, long grass, shit lie, have to chip it back through the kikuyu, I cant go high because of the 47 overhanging trees.

That doesn't fucking work and now I'm definitely heating up. The lie is a fucking treat and I blade that back into the trap I was in at the start. Chunk it out and casually 2 put for a 9, yes a fucking 9.


Birdie the next after a 6 iron to 2 inches, then birdie the next with a pitch to 4 feet, birdie the next after a bunker shot to a foot, fuck me Shooter, you have almost made up for that 9 now.


Triple, Double ................ Fuck Off.


Head off, kicked it all the way in and smashed down a quick lunch before loading up the tour bus and driving to Rich River the next stop on the tour.


A short hop of 2 1/2 hours up the road I arrive at Rich River, I have accommodation at the club from the next night, ended up getting 1 nights accommodation down the road and its a good opportunity to do the washing and iron some shirts for the next week. Practice round booked for 8:30 the next morning, I have all but forgot about the 9 and the fucking triple/double combination.


5:30am the alarm goes off, fuck, I'm a bit sluggish, not feeling 100%.

5:32am the spew hits the bowl at 80 mph, then again at 78 mph.

Fuck, this isn't good, I am usually made of granite. Just another little spew and I message the Angry Ant and tell him I am no good for the practice round and am going back to bed until my checkout time.


Once I have loaded the car and checkout time comes, I have had a bit of sleep and am feeling about 30% which is 25% better than I felt earlier. All I have to do is make it to the golf club and my new accommodation without spewing in my car or shitting my pants, shouldn't be too hard for fucks sake, I'm an adult.


Just made it.


Crawl into reception, hoping there is a slim chance, my room will be ready at 10:30 instead of 2.00pm as stated on the booking, cant they see I'm in trouble ?

Well, that was the worst front counter experience I have had for a long time, needless to say, I am not in my room, 3 hours until I can officially check in. 3 fucking hours.

I have parked my car under the shade and will try and get some sleep in the mean time.


After the most uncomfortable 20 minutes I have ever had a guy comes out of his hotel room, he is off to play a practice round and says to me that I don't look great.

I say Thanks, I just need some sleep and I think I will be ok. He does offer his spare bed in his room for me to use until my room is ready but I decline as I am sure it wont be too much longer. He continues getting ready and then I have a moment.


Jump out of the car, run to the garden bed in front of room 10 (thank fuck I ended up with room 17) and spewed another 5 times. What a feeling of relief, I hope the fart did not contain liquid.


I finally make it into my room after seeing another front counter lady, she was much much better. I withdrew from the tournament and slept. Late that night, I subsequently re-entered only to shoot 76 with 36 putts and the second day 74 with 37 putts. There was no money for that but I did manage to play 2 days without spewing or shitting myself, some days you have to count that as a win.


Rain has been smashing Sydney and this has forced the Sydney tournaments to be postponed for the time being, this means I will head for the Disco residence and make a decision about where to from there once the rain picture is more clear.


No Putts Holed Shooter out.











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