top of page

Rich River – Fuck me !


Kiss me first was the cry from Shooter as he belted his way around Rich River for the first round. OK, its blowing pretty hard with the forecast saying gusting up to 35, shouldn’t be an issue for me there, I’m going ok.

Played a practice round the day before with Disco (got him 1 up again, Shooter 2 Disco 0, Donuts, Nada, Zero) and apart from some bunker changes the course looks pretty much the same as it was. Start on the 2nd tee, 375 meter par 4, straight back into us, hit driver ok, little left, got 138 in, need to move it it a little left as well, knock one down flies beautifully bounces on the green softly, hit the pin and stops about 4 feet away, amateurs now know the attraction of The Shooter, fuck me Gary says, that almost went in. I nod and give him a little hat tip, he knows he is in the presence of greatness. One under.

Hit it to 35 feet on the next, putting down wind left to right, 8 feet short, where are these fucking gusts when you need them, miss the 8 footer, fuck.

5th is a longish par 5, again back into the wind, I’m sure its changing direction just to fuck with me now, driver left, hardpan, punch it off that, kicks left, hardpan, punch it off that from 104 and the fucking thing never stops. Now I have a 55 footer down hill across the spine of the green. Wow, that was faster than I thought, now a 15 footer back, hits right lip, next 4 footer doesn’t hit anything, nor does the next, fuck me, the 5th putt catches the low lip and is secured in the bottom of the cup. 8.

Playing partners not talking now, its all quiet apart from Gary who before was in awe of the Shooter who says, I had 8 as well but at least I left mine under the hole. Fuck you Gary.

Next is straight down wind…finally a break, miss the fairway right, punch out from 107, ball rolls up onto the green, then goes and goes and goes just over the back I think, no drama, until I found a dam over the back. Double.

This shit continues all day, 11th is a basket case, par 5, wind blowing 1000mph right to left across the fairway, playing partners ball goes hard left 40 meters on the wind. Shooter decides to hit it down the right side of the hole and let the wind do its thing, Tour players use the elements to their advantage. Wind doesn’t hit it, straight OOB, hit provisional, stays on the top lip of the bunker, standing in the bunker, grip it almost on the head of the club, flub it 30 yards, next one short, chip long, 2 putts.  14th hole is a dog leg right around a lake, I hit a semi shank with a 4 iron, not as good as Disco’s one at Yarrawonga but still not bad, piss, drop, piss, drop, hit tree, knock over green into bunker, thin out to 35 feet, then the electric eel I had as a putter kicked in to finish me off with a three putt. Oh fucking Joy. Don’t say a fucking word Gary, not one fucking word.

A disastrous day comes to an end with a thin 4th over the 18th green into the piss, the guy in the gallery yells out from 118 that it has indeed gone into the water, Thanks mate I reply holding my hand up. That’s 6 balls gone with one to play. I butcher that for a double to really finish me off.

Fucking hell Shooter, what a cock up.

Going to restock the bag and come back in the morning to see if we can do any better, I think I can make a cheque if I shoot 64.

Optimistic Shooter out


bottom of page