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Queensland Swing – WTF edition


Finally get back to Queensland for a few events, makes it easier and less expensive I suppose. That’s until you try and play, then it gets harder and more frustrating, fuck me, this is fucking hard.

Played pretty good in Yeppoon coming of the last round of even par in Samoa, it was a good event with 72, 74 to get a few $. Off to Bargara, shoot 70, yes fucking 70, that’s -2, tied 5th after day 1, The Shooter is thinking this is what it’s all about, roll around a course you haven’t seen before in a couple under, I could win this. That’s until the 79 comes in and I’m kicking my fucking head all the way home, 4 fucking hour drive plus a speeding ticket to go with it, fuck my life.

Hervey Bay, turned into no cash, getting reamed all over the place and playing with fucking muppets who can’t hit it past their fucking nose, I am just lucky I am the Zen master and I am taking it well.

Playing pretty good at Toowoomba and have a few to play, flush a driver on the dogleg par 4 16th, around the corner, 50 meters from the green, fuck I am a flusher, I think I’ve reached some level of tour now, Shhhhhoooooootttttt.

Knife the pitch onto the back edge, 3 whack the fuck for bogey, oh Jesus H Christ, stupid rookie fuck. Try to smash driver on the 17th par 5 as a direct result of the 3 putt and with much anger, strangely that’s 40 yards in the bush………. FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK. Standing near it, fucking thing moves, call playing partner, decide to hit 2 balls, end up making bogey with first and par with second, of course the ruling determines I play first, bogey bogey, great.

2 to play Shooter, calm the fuck down, easy par 4, followed by easy par 4, all will be fine. Flush driver, hit 7 iron into right trap, leave it in, get it out across green into other trap, flop it on green, 2 putt for triple, are you fucking joking. 1 to play, hit wedge to a foot, make birdie. Cash small cheque, fuck this shit. Bad luck happens through Bribie Island although I birdie the last and pick up a little cash.

Beerwah was a disappointing event for the way I played, I had Blisters in my group and I have determined he is a 2 shot per 9 penalty. Money at Bribie makes a profit for the event, Holy Christ, this tour stuff is easy, Beerwah, shit happens, no cash. Never been on such a roller coaster of emotions ever before.

Wynnum, practice round first, never seen the place, played ok, not a bad track, pure greens. 74 day 1, not too bad, could be worse could be better. Day 2 arrives, got a caddy, 13th tee start. 2 amateurs that are sponsors, can’t hit it to save their lives, although better than the day before when one had a 9 on one hole and 17 wipes.

Second shot, first hole pin high, little flip up to the green no more than 20 yards, flub 5 feet, fuck, that not what I needed, just as well the next one is in a shit grassy lie, feeling confident now, flub into trap, oh shit, trap shot to 8 feet, grind out the putt for a bogey. Little bit precious about that.

Hit beautiful high arching 5 wood up the next short par 4, drawing 3 feet in the air, it’s a fucking thing of beauty, it’s the Mona Lisa of 5 woods, that’s until it hit a fucking stick on the ground, ricochet 90 degrees under a tree, get fucked, how did that happen, I’m a little precious already after the shitshow on the last. By the time I get to it, it’s had time to nestle into the divot that some inconsiderate fuckwit has neglected to fill.

Crouched under a bush, I sand wedge it out, fuck I’m good, this is perfect, that’s until it runs over the green and up against another tree on the boundary fence, I didn’t deserve that fucking shit. Unplayable drop, chip it on, lands on sprinkler head, kicks right, runs to 30 feet, fuck I’m feeling positive about this experience now. 3 whack that fucker for triple. Now you can get fucked, this shit can’t possibly happen all the fucking time. Zen the fuck up Shooter, Breathe deeply.

Next par 3, playing 195, downhill and you have to hit it over trees, hit 4 iron long, pitch it on, the electric eel I am using as a putter makes another 3 jiggle for double. Here goes the tournament. Just as well I have to get to the airport for the Townsville leg now. Can’t fucking wait. Is it always this hard.

Confused Shooter out.


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