Well well Blisters,
Another year dawns and more controversy awaits I am sure.
The chopper envelope has been retired for 2013 and whilst a lot was spent on drinks after golf and some lunches, there is still enough for a few beers in the US in March. Oh that’s right Mr 100%, you won’t be there. Blah blah, I am 100%, blah blah. Wank.
We started the first event of the year in stinking hot conditions at 1.07pm after Stickers couldn’t make it earlier because he was too busy sneaking out of the gay brothel by pretending he was fixing their pool table. I think there was a couple of balls stuck in his holes. What a pig he is.
Stickers was there earlier than everyone else even though he told us we had to play in the heat of the day because he was working and then as we waited on the tee for him, he decided that he needed to hit a few putts, fuck me, he should have known he would hit a lot more out there so a couple now won’t help.
Singlets and Shooter vs Contribution and Stickers.
We went up early as Singlets birdied the 2nd to their bogey +2 easy start. We won the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th to turn +6. It was not looking good for the choppers, especially after Shooter birdies 10 and 11 to race to 2 up the back and 8 the match.
Stickers won 12 with a birdie and he won 14, square the back, 6 the match.
I still think we can pull it off and win all…..that’s until…..Contribution holes it from 30 yards on 17 for a 2 net 1, Singlets and I are left of green, I flub mine in trap, Singlets flops his to 15 feet. We both make 4, three shot swing, fuck me, didn’t see that coming.
Contribution goes on to birdie 18 as well, I am convinced he needs more handicap as he just finished birdie birdie to win the back 9 and save Stickers from a embarrassing whitewash first up in the year. $10 only to change hands. Slow start for the 2014 Chopper fund.
In the background, there were things happening, Singlets started par birdie and hit a little block on 3 onto the right hills, then made 6 from 100 mtrs on 4 and if you looked closely enough you could see smoke coming out of his ears. He was heating up.
When the tee shot on the next went left, his hybrid almost went there too, he slammed it in the ground so hard it made a twanging noise when it recoiled. It was almost like a Rolf Harris wobble board the shaft moved so much.
A shank 2nd and 3rd on 6 was almost too much, Stickers was laughing, what an asshole. There were a couple of clubs speared into the bag by this stage. A birdie on 7 again righted the ship. The Singlets of old was back. Driver left on 9, hole not completed.
Singlets did hurt his back on 12 hitting his second shot and it made it painful for the rest of the day. Almost as painful as us having to listen to him whinge all fucking day and we had to also dodging flying clubs.
After, I didn’t even see Singlets go, I saw a lot of smoke in the carpark and Contribution was given the task of handing over Singlets money for the individual event. Stickers had 81, Contribution 84, Shooter 74 and Singlets unknown, 2 holes not complete.
Stickers was supposed to be on suicide watch last night but he fell asleep, when I called this morning we hoped Singlets was ok and made it through the night. I have received a text message this morning telling me to get fucked, so he is back to normal.
I did ask what time we are in for this week but Singlets tells us he is not playing for at least 2 weeks. There may be a spot for you if you are quick Blisters
Truthful, humble, gracious Shooter out.