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US Senior Open – Qualifier


Well well well, excitement has set in.

Been playing it cool up till now but the day has arrived. Practice round done, course looks good, yardage’s done, no range finders here, this is the big time.

Keep telling yourself you aren’t nervous, The Shooter doesn’t get nervous, played a million of these type of events.  I think I even have to call bullshit on myself here. Maybe I am a bit nervous.

First Tee, 9:10am near the end of the field. Starter announces from Queensland Australia………Shooter. Silence, except from the homeless guy going through the bins near the bar, he was banging around talking to himself until security chased him away.

Stripe driver, the flight is like that of an angel, lands in the centre of the fairway, nerves my ass. Homeless guy yells out “Flusher” I tip the cap, thanks homeless bin guy, thanks. 139 yards, flag cut right half, makes the second shot come over the water and then the bunker to an elevated position. I know from the practice round it played uphill. I hit the second shot and it takes off with the satisfying sound of compression, I watch with joy and almost give it the club twirl, it looks like nothing but flag. Until it lands over the water but short of the bunker. Fuck me……….how did that happen, wow, how the fuck can I hit that club that good and be short.

Hey Shooter, it’s the first hole second shot, that’s weird but weird things happen in golf. Walking up to it I now have a short sided pitch off a lie that tighter than a fishes ass, Over a bunker to a flag that is 6 feet from the lip, did I mention it’s short sided, fuck. Flub, how did I hit it that fat, fuck, at least I can hit it close out of the bunker, fucking christ, 30 feet. Nice double.

Well, that didn’t take long did it, flush flush, flub, flub, putt putt. The walk to the second was about 300 yards across a bridge, thought about jumping, at least if a rattle snake bites me I will be able to leave.

Flub a pitch from 30 yards to make bogey on the par 5 second, now the blood pressure is up, currently 180/100. Par the third, almost make the 25 footer for birdie, things are looking up. Until 7, 204 yards, into slight wind, playing partners both hit 5 irons that looked like tracer bullets, one is 3 feet the other is 8. 4 iron is the right club, smooth one up there. I didn’t expect to hit 2 inches behind it. Another bogey and I was lucky to make it.  Birdie 8 and par 9 which was the 2nd hardest hole on the course.

‘Flush it down 10, flub a pitch then a chip for bogey, miss green on 11 for another bogey, this is getting ridiculous now. Make a few good swings coming in, flub another chip from the fringe on the par 5 15th for another groan and wonder why this happens. Now I am wishing for a rattlesnake. Get to 18 tee, hardest hole on the golf course. Water left, water right, fairway has a ridge running through it, too far left kicks in left piss, too far right, kicks in right piss. Flush it down there only for the playing partner to say, not sure about that one. Oh fuck, One of the best tee shots I have hit all day now in doubt. As it turns out, it’s not in the hazard by an inch, chip it out to fairway, 7 iron to 30 feet, 2 putt bogey for a cool, triumphant 82. Holy fuck.

Straight to scoring, old guy official had to be 164 years old said he went to Australia once, I said that sounds nice, he said I think it was Sydney, I said that would have been nice, he said can’t remember the year, in my head I said, for fucks sake you old fuck, after shooting 82 I couldn’t give less of a fuck that you went to Sydney once before, now shut the fuck up so I can complete this card and go and stick golf tees under my fingernails for fun, what I actually said was, thanks for the opportunity to play today. He said My Pleasure.

What a bashing that was, thought I played better than that but you sign for what you shoot. Very humbled again.

Back to the practice fairway to work out the kinks.

Humble, beaten up Shooter out.


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