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Tour School 2019 – Stage 1


2019 has arrived.

Q School beckons, its been calling my name for a year, ever since the humbling experience of the failed attempt of 2018.

Arrived in Melbourne a couple of days early to get ready and have a look at the golf course. I have engaged the same caddie from last year, lets hope like fuck he is better this year, shit performance last time. Last minute change to my Northcote tour headquarters from the hotel I had in Dandenong. Probably a good change given a pasty fat white boy doesn’t fit in down there.

Day 1, tee time is 7:39, fuck me, doesn’t any fucker sleep around here. 4:45 awake, out the door at 5:15, fuck its still dark, only have an hour drive to the course, I will need to talk to those involved and get them to buy another house closer to the golf course for me to freeload at in the future.

Bit nervous standing on the first tee, don’t know why, flushed it, away we go. Couldn’t get a putt to drop and turned +2, not great but not stupid, get to 10 hit it to 25 feet, hit the first putt 15, then missed the next, fuck. Then flushed the tee shot on 11, an 8 iron from 151, slight draw to 12 feet, fuck yes Shooter, get some. Three putted that fucking thing too, you have to be shitting me. Don’t start this shit.

Few more misses and I end up with 76 and 37 putts. Tied 5th at the end of the day, 3 hours on the putting green later and now sunburn has taken over. Fucking Tour Caddie has wet both ends of the towel and now there is dirt on both ends and it looks like no one has taken care of it. No wonder I had 76.

Day 2. Need to move up, 3 go through, starting on 10 tee today, make easy par, birdie 11. Good start Shoot, lets kick this thing into gear. Birdie 14 then another on 15, feeling it now. Second shot on 16 hits the tree in the fairway, pitch it perfectly, lands on front, spins and stays, fuck me that’s shit, 3 jiggle for a bogey, regroup Shooter, a few holes to go and we can make some good swings from here.

Bounceback birdie on 17 and a gutsy balls and all par on 18. make the turn -3, at the turn we have to log scores, official tells me I am now 1 shot out of first, oh shit !

Smother hook with a driver from the first tee, in bunker. Now a 3 wood to the green don't get it up and down, deep breaths, Make a good swing on the next tee, lip out make bogey, fuck, temperature has gone up 10 degrees, c’mon Shoot.

Smother a 3 wood from 3rd tee, dead under a tree, no swing, oh get fucked, chunk the fucker out, now in the rough, chip that fucker, one bounce, runs up, keeps running, then keeps running, stop you little white fuck. Just a little 3 jiggle from there for a double. Fuck you score official guy.

Played the last 6 holes exceptionally well, lipped out for birdie on the last 4 without any luck. Run second in the end to move through to second stage. Oh Fuck Yeah.

From the lowest of lows last year to the highest of highs this year. Now off to the pub for a CC and Dry.

Stage 2 Shooter out.

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