After the train derailment opening 9 on day one and the subsequent adjournment of play, the schedule was back to finish round 1at 7:30am then play the second round, if there was an upside it was I had at least played 9 shit holes already so how much damage could be done in the next 9.
Driving into the front gate at 6:30, text from the PGA telling me the resumption of play has been delayed until 9:00, fuck me, that news would have helped an hour ago.
As I pull up in the allotted "Shooter" parking space, I notice Blisters is already there, I bet he would be trying to get his bacon and egg roll for free.
Still reeling from yesterdays hot start, The Shooter is calm and mentally preparing to get out there, an hour goes by, 3 cups of Nescafe, 45 minutes of hearing Blisters stories when he was playing back in the old days before electricity, fuck he is old. Then the news comes, a further delay until 10am, fuck me.
Officials zooming around in golf carts, green keepers getting squeegy's out squelching fairways and greens. The pumps are working overtime getting water out of the bunkers in a stream high and long, reminds me of the days when I used to piss over cars, today there is no such tom foolery, today we grind.
Finally at 10am, we are called to the 1st tee to complete the first round, Shooter is 3rd as dictated by his triple, par finish yesterday. Lets right the ship, preparation is the key.
Shooter gets the Driver and hits a 50 meter pull over to the 11th tee, wow, some things don't change. Walking down there The Shooter is calm and collected, it looks like the best course of action is to go down 11 now. Its on the back of the tee, need to be left to allow a better shot to the green. Ball is sitting down in a depression, that goes hard right into the tree line and a massive puddle, after getting the drop, I have a nice shot through the trees to the green, until the pitch hits the last fucking branch and drops in a pile of shit and water and mud. Thin the next, chip it to 15 feet and make the fucking putt for a bogey. Preparation my ass. Fuck preparation, 3 cups of Nescafe and listening to Blisters has fucked my start.
3 putt the next from 35 feet, bogey. Hit the second shot on 3 into the slush pond that is now all of the bunkers and make bogey, Driver from the 4th tee, just in the left rough, Blisters is coming down 17 and almost runs me over in his golf cart and then he almost runs over my golf ball as well, for fucks sake.
The Shooter makes a par on 4 to stop the rot, par on 5 to move into the round, now we are getting this shit together, slopping around in the mud, making pars, back on Tour, fuck yeah.
Hit a driver hard right on 6, the ball ends up in the 7th fairway, 3 wood back to the fairway and of course it hits the last twig and falls down behind a tree, chip that fucker out and then hit it over the back, just another bogey. Flush a 3 iron from the next tee and The Shooter brushes aside the media on the way to his tee shot. 83 meters left hit a fat 56 to the front edge and make a very smooth 3 putt for a bogey to be +5 for the morning 7, oh joy, let me play 18 more today please. Fuck Off.
Par on 8 and smash a driver up 9 over the road, its huge. 101 remaining, the crowd have gathered and The Shooter is forced to back off once as a number of spectators were taking photos. Once settled, the preshot starts and I smooth a 52 into position. The club enters the wet soil an inch, maybe 2 behind the ball, its like slow motion, the ground explodes, mud splashes, the ball takes off so slow you can read Titleist on it. The ball lands on the front edge and it takes 2 buckets of sand to fill the landscaping project I have just started and will take a shit load of white king to get the mud out of my pants.
If there is an upside, The Shooter has made 2 pars in a row.
That's the fucking highlight, we hand in the cards, as expected Shooter is DFL. We have an hour to regroup before we have to go out again. Cant fucking wait.
Jinxed Shooter out.