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Melting Shooter

My God ! its like a sauna.

It’s been 100 degrees up here in the last couple of weeks, last week we have a little run around but because it was so hot some tempers got frayed when putts missed the holes and we had to look for balls amongst the sub tropical trees and undergrowth.

The best we could have hoped for was to be bitten by a snake to get off the fucking golf course.

The team event went to Stickers and Singlets by the overall only and it perhaps was a fitting result. Given my partner hit the tee marker with his driver on the first fucking hole and no it wasn’t on purpose, he teed it up, hit the ball and then the club hit the tee marker. I have never seen anything like that before, what fucking hope did I have. No individual again ! I think they are sick of shelling out the cash to Shooter all the time, I got this impression by the tears in Stickers eyes every week.

If he sent less cash in a monthly basis to the Spiritual Home, he would have more to play golf with.

This week was a little better in terms of temperature and attitude. Balls go up, Stickers and Singlets vs Contribution and Shooter. Discussion was again had and 8 was the number.

Off to a better start this week, Contribution missed the tee marker with his driver so we are way ahead. We get out to an early lead with Shooter’s par on 2, keep this going with a half on 3 with Contributions 5/4 and then we won the 4th when we all took double bogey 7 but there is the handicap again and Contribution gets a shot. Shooter holes it from 4 feet for birdie on 6 for a win and we also win 8. +5 at the turn, this is like taking candy from babies except it’s not candy, it’s money.

No massive blow ups yet although there was a hint of trouble when Singlets missed one on 7 and 8. You could tell he wasn’t happy as his putter hit the bitumen path each of the 23 times in the walk from 8 green to 9 tee.

Stickers makes 2 on 11 with one the never looked like missing and Shooter starts to get the yips with 3 putts on 12 and 13.

As Singlets is standing over a 6 footer on 12, he says “I wonder if this fucking putter realises they’re is a lot of cart path between this green and the next tee” putt misses. I didn’t know if it was the heat or I really did see steam and a heat haze around his head. Just to top his blood pressure off, Stickers announces he has a “beautiful life” I vomited, Contribution had to hide whilst laughing, Singlets almost speared him with a wedge. Fuck me. “beautiful life” if the little fucker spent more time on the practice fairway and less time with the swingers and the S&M participants he would have a beautiful life with more cash.

We win 15 with pars but again Contribution gets a shot and 16 with a Shooter birdie. 3 up the back 8 the match. I am thinking about fish and chips for dinner.

Contribution hits it hard right on 17 dead, Shooter left short, the other 2 on the green and Stickers is about 20 feet. Somehow, Contribution gets a club on it, under the tree, lands on the front and runs up to 15 feet. Best shot I have seen for a while.

Shooter has a little chip off the short cut, over the tongue of rough to a short pin. Oh no, TC Chen has arrived. A little double hit, hasn’t been seen for many a year. None of the others saw it, I did have to admit it straight away and thought that’s ok, I have a partner. Fuck me, Contribution has a little 3 stab, our only loss of the day.

18 halved in pars.

We got the team money and as usual Shooter got the individual money as well. It took a while to get Stickers to open his wallet but once the bet was paid we had a little chat for a minute, turned around to see 3 wounded pedestrians and tar and rubber everywhere, Singlets had left.

We assumed he wasn’t happy, his putter had been tied into the back of the car for the ride home. I had to apologise to the guy who was walking by for Singlets running over his dog and calling his wife fat. I also retrieved the broken 9 iron sticking out of the bin.

Back to normal Shooter out.


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