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Looper - The Final Run


The last event at RQ was tough, couple of issues in the partnership, some yardages that were not entirely right, couple of clubs selections that may have been a little suspect if you are being critical but fuck me, all I needed was a couple of pars.

New event, new week.


In keeping with The Shooter Project rules all the names have been changed to protect the innocent, this week I have a collage of pictures (above) to explain who I was looping for, lets just call him A. Smurf (AS for short). You will notice none of the images actually show his face but they do show his total lack of fashion sense and his love of a block colour tone.


Pro Am day Tuesday, playing with 3 influential members of the club, they love a pro am, we got a great insight into the strategy behind the design and that the wind is the golf courses only defence. I did mention to AS that I thought the defence was the concrete greens, penal runoff areas, confusing design and a bunker at 240 to 260 on every hole that took up half the fairway, but no, its the wind.


Early Thursday, we hit off in the rain, 10 tee, I cannot see a break in the cloud, the rain only got worse. I couldn't get enough towels, the one I had was apparently too wet, I had 2 umbrellas, one to keep his highness as dry as I could as well as his glove, all while reading the book, getting yardages, making up powerade, cleaning clubs, getting the next one out, getting the flag cleaning the ball and then off to the next tee. Its never ending.


The first chink in the armour appeared when we were put on the clock, we were a hole behind and behind time so we were then on a mission to make up the time. A massive downpour hit on 16, Smurfy knocks a pure 3 wood up short of the hazard, powers off into the distance.

By the time I get to him he is asking for the yardage to the greenside bunker. I am out of breath, wet, tired and my shoes are soaked through, see kids, Looping isn't all beer and skittles, you have to put in too.


"What's the number to the bunker" "I don't know" was my reply. I had the book in my pocket and somehow it was upside down, now with all the rain the pages had gotten wet, fuck me didn't I hear it for that, "now I cant get the pages open, they're all wet, put it in your pocket the other way" "what's the number to the bunker"

I then said, I still didn't know, I also said hit 3 wood again, you cant reach it anyway.


From then on the book stayed with AS.


We go through day 1 with a little blood on the ground but not to much damage, Day 2 beckons.


When Day 2, arrives its blowing its tits off, well the course must have its defences up today, even though its blowing hard its still hot, fuck this climate. Load up the bag, sunscreen, zinc, sunglasses, umbrellas, water, powerade, ciggies, more ciggies, coke, 1 ball and 1 tee, lets go.

The Shooter has cancelled his Saturday tee time because we know we are going low.


We get away to a good start with 3 pars out of the gate, an untidy bogey on 4 and we make the turn at +5, Shooter is powering it out, pumping up the Smurf. A massive squall comes across while we are on the 9th fairway, oh joy, fucking drenched again.

Shooter starts to look up the cut, looking to be +5, we are on the number, lets get this done.


Another rain storm on 10 tee, AS hits what can only be described as a socket with the driver, he then tells me the face was wet and I should have used my fat sausage fingers to wipe it before I gave him the driver, fuck me, it wasn't his shit swing, must have been the water.


We get reamed on the next where after another less than perfect iron shot we find the ball in a washout where all the shit had run to after the rain, awful spot, to top it off its in a boot heel print as well. Call for a ruling, surely we cant be made to hit it out of this garbage, don't they know who he is ?


The ruling comes in and its the good old "stiff shit" rule. Bogey ensues.

I am starting to see, he is frustrated, I am thinking about asking if he wants The Shooter to roll a couple of putts for him, we may make the cut that way. I think it was too soon after the bogey, he didn't look impressed


We finally get a break and AS hits a perfect Pitching Wedge, against the wind, over a tree to 6 feet and holes it for birdie. One of the best shots I have seen for a long time, I'm not sure that even The Shooter could have hit that one. Dead over the back on the next and Shooter advises to putt it, AS does putt it and gets it up and down. Shooter is +6 on club selections and +3 on reads, I had 1 taken off because he hit the putt too hard to take the break a few holes back, not my fault if his speed control is shit.


4 to play, Smurfy decides that we now have to push, we are +6 and the cut is looking like +5, flushes a 3 wood up the par 5, has 246 to the next fairway bunker which leaves 48 to the front. Flushes another 3 wood, it runs up to the bunker and sits down in the zoysia fringe, fuck, 1 yard difference.

Out of the zoysia there was no stopping it, lands on the green, runs to the back and then down a hill 15 yards off the back fringe, now we have a shot into the grain, uphill, short sided. If there is a good side, it is back into the wind. Ball runs 6 feet by and now it starts to rain again. Bogey.


AS has the shoulders slumped a little as we make our way to 16 tee, Driver (not Shooters call) in the fairway trap, embedded lie, flub it out. In his defence he is still looking to hole this pitch shot, never give in. With deadly precision Shooter gets the number, front then total, bit more energy in the group again. The wind is only blowing 50mph, AS has a 40 yard pitch shot, over a mound onto a runway and a downslope and he thinks he is going to hole it, he didn't.

When he 3 jiggled the 15 footer, that's when Shooter knew he needed a new job next week.


Shooters phone is vibrating in the bag, its the boys at the golf club seeing if he wants his tee time back for the next day, rude fuckers.


18 tee, it looks like our race is run. The 18th is an interesting hole to say the least, one of the busiest greens you will play. It has a large hump on the left that makes burying elephants an art.

AS hits a perfect 8 iron (Shooters call) that lands in the hill, perfect, you couldn't have landed it in a better position, then it jumps, topspins over the back. No words are said, club is handed back, cleaned and put away.

That's until a guy in the gallery pipes up and says he is a member here and he gets fucked like that every Saturday, we look and say aren't you lucky.


Another Looping adventure ends, its a tough job, tougher than I thought it would be, its not all bad at least you get weekends off I suppose.

It would be remiss of Shooter not to mention his major sponsors for the last 2 weeks, Step One and Johnson and Johnsons baby powder, without you guys the 50klm last week and the 48,000 steps this week would have resulted in major chaffing and a dead set bushfire in the pants, cant thank you enough for keeping it smooth and the bushfires at bay.


Looks like The Shooter will have to pack up the tour van and head back out on tour himself. Stay tuned.


Looping Shooter out





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