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It’s a smash up - open borders


The border opens up and the Tour is off and running.


The Shooter has been hitting it great lately and the road trip is on to the Australian Seniors PGA at Richmond. Sponsors pro am yesterday, hitting it good, attitude is good, can’t wait to be back in tournament mode.


Day 1 arrives, raining at 7:30 when I arrived at the golf course, I’m sure it will get better. Starting on 10, par 3, playing 180 into wind, over water and the rain is getting heavier. Shooter is first up, flushes a 4 iron, straight at the flag. Oh yeah.

Come up just short of the green, chip it to 4 feet, lip out, bogey. Fuck.


Toe snipe hook off 11 tee, there’s a lake over there but it misses it, thank Christ. Just as well it missed the lake, it allowed me to hit a fat fucked 6 iron into it for my 2nd shot. Drop another, hit it over the green, flub a chip and hole it from 12 feet for a double. C’mon Shooter for fucks sake.


Bogey the next from the front edge, +4 through 3. The tee shot goes 50 meters right from the next tee, now I have a gap through the trees that I have to hit a low cut 4 iron back to a tight pin. Hit a good shot into the front trap, all I could have expected, now we are turning the corner. The bunker shot out of wet mud comes out to 12 feet, lip out, bogey Fuck.


The Shooter is now +5 through 4, fuck me the train is coming off the tracks, got to knuckle down and grind this out. Next tee shot heads hard right, about 40 meters, wide enough to have to pitch it out, knock it on and lip out from 18 feet another bogey, so much for the train and the fucking tracks.


Fucks sake, not sure if it’s the rain on my cheek now or a small tear, 150 metre par 3 over water to a shallow green, wind off the left, the 7 iron flies, takes off left of target and the wind moves it 3 yards towards the flag, fuck me, now that’s a golf shot. Shooter pours that 12 footer in the centre of the hole for birdie, now we are cooking.

After making birdie, I think I see some sun coming out.


16 tee shot, 50 meters right, just carries the lake, hit a tree with the next, pitch it up and miss the green, trying to hit a soft chip off a downslope into kikuyu to a short flag, that runs by and I lip out the putt, fucking kikuyu the shit should be blown up. Just another bogey, racking these fucking things up now.

4 iron from the 17th tee, flush it, hits a fucking tree and goes hard right into a slop pile and casual water, drop that into the best lie I can find and punch it into the front trap, thin it out of there as the sand has now washed off the upslope and it goes into the back trap, that trap shot ends 12 feet away. The putt never looks like it and the tap in hits the lip and spins out. Oh, for fucks sake, triple. The train has definitely come off the tracks and the fucking thing is now on fire.


Now it’s fucking pouring, the rain feels like 1000 needles smashing me in the face and the arms and the legs. Squelching across to the 18th tee, I pass the 3rd green a watch a guy hole a 30 footer down across the hill, I now hate him.

5 iron from the 18th tee, leaves 83 meters uphill to a pin on the back slope, ball comes up 12 feet short and spins to 30 feet, roll that 5 feet past and hole the one back for the first par for the day.

Now standing on the first tee, solitary, alone, 9 over par, pouring rain, under an umbrella soaking wet, fuck it’s sad.

The horn goes off and we get called in, golf course is under water and lightning is a threat, you fucking beauty I say to myself under my breath.

After almost 3 hours in the clubhouse, all sorts of scenarios are going around, I’m hoping they cancel the round and I can banish it to memory. But, of course not, fuck me, back early to complete the round tomorrow morning and then commence round 2, all I fucking need.

Off to dry everything out and get some sleep before getting back into it tomorrow.


Soaking wet Shooter out.




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