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El Cabron - The Final Stand



Sunday marked the last round that El Cabron would be playing before he jets back to the US and home for the foreseeable future. What a great time to be going home to the US, unless of course if you are black, a protester, a looter, old or corona susceptible and heading into a hot spot. I think he can tick a few of those boxes. Bon Voyage.


Balls go up and Stickers and El Cabron have the honour of playing Singlets and The Shooter. We are going to try and take the last $AUD out of this guys pockets and send him home broke. Trying to fire Singlets up is a job in its self.


No dramas early, Shooter is even par through 4 an the match is all square. Singlets hits his tee shot left on 5, no good there, hazard, swamp, long grass, snakes, alligators (see www.customexoticleathercompany.com.au ) not looking for that, I hate snakes and lizards and crocs and alligators, unless they are belts of course. Singlets walks to 6 tee while we putt out and halve the hole. He was saying something to himself but no one could hear him, I think it had at least a PG rating 15+.


6th halved, with Shooter getting it up and down from the trap, always looked like 4 despite what they may say. Singlets and Shooter both failed to get it up and down from over the back of 7 to lose the hole and go 1 down.

Singlets hits it hard left from the 8th tee, lost, Shooter tugs one left also but right of Singlets Hill, should find it ok. Stickers rinses his and reloads near the piss and El Cabron hits another fucking fairway, what handicap is this guy on for fucks sake.

El Cabron then hits a top, then leaves it in the long grass, chunks it to the front edge gets it up and down for 6 nett 5, Stickers makes the same from the piss.

Singlets is standing on 9 tee, he walked all the way there from his hard left tee shot without looking up. Sad face.

Shooter has found his, hit it left from the cart path, now its sitting in velcro, chop it onto the green 35 feet away, roll the first putt up to 2 feet and those fuckers make me putt it for the half. Looks like that's the way we are playing now, dirty, just the way Stickers likes it in the back streets of Patong.


Singlets has had time to comfort himself for 10 minutes on the 9th tee, he makes a great 4 to win the hole. Front all square.


Stickers birdies the 10th, it hurts to say but it was a great shot in too. He had no idea where it was after he hit it though, Mr Magoo eyesight strikes again. One down.

Shooter birdies 12 to get back to square, El Cabron makes 4 nett 3 on 13 to go back to 1 up, Singlets birdies 14 to get back to square, Stickers birdies 15 to put us back to one down, Singlets has got happier and makes 4 net 3 on 16 to get back to square.

For Fucks sake, its a birdie fest here today, so many red numbers.


2 to play, all square, every fucker except Shooter gets a shot on 17. El Cabron makes 3 net 2. When is this fucker going home ? One down, one to play, El Cabron is the only one that gets a shot. As normal, birdie will usually win, or in our case get us out of the shit.

El Cabron says on the tee that they will need a birdie because he thinks The Shooter will make one. Fuck yes Shooter will make one. Pump up you fuckers.


Stickers and El Cabron in the fairway, Singlets is in the left trap, Shooter in the fairway on top of the hill. Singlets gets out easily and joins El Cabron and Stickers down short of the green, all lying 2.


Shooter knows he needs to make birdie, got 206, front pin, slightly into wind off the left.

Quickly Shooter sums up the situation, Stickers is a wedge out, wont make birdie, terrible with that club in his hands. El Cabron is a wedge out if he gets it low out of the toe best situation is 5 nett 4, my partner Singlets will make 5 no doubt. Just got to combat the El Cabron nett 4, if we can.


Shooter looks in the bag, plenty of room behind the flag, 3 iron.

As the ball takes off it never leaves the flag, "fuck me" is the call from the gallery, it keeps going up, pure flight, frozen rope.

The ball finishes inside 2 feet, the crowd are on their feet. especially the group in front that turned around to witness greatness.


El Cabron hits his wedge shot to 4 feet and makes it for 4 nett 3, For Fucks sake, when is he going home ? Shooter's eagle is matched, by the birdie from El Cabron, the other choppers fought it out with pars.


This wasn't the ending The Shooter had planned but El Cabron gets to fuck off back to the land of the free, with some hard earned Singlets money in his pocket and Shooter had the great displeasure of giving money to Stickers who did fuck all for his team. OK, he made a couple of birdies on the back 9 but that's all.


Hasta la proxima vez el cabron, viaje seguro


Donation Shooter out.





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