Look out, second event as a member of the Fiji PGA Bro, rocking it up to the Coral Coast Classic at Natadola, pocket full of cash from the last event, bag full of balls and a head full of good stories.
Head to the range to warm up this silky smooth action, I now aren’t allowed to use iron covers apparently, it’s a by law of the Fiji PGA. Once arrived, I greet some fellow countrymen “Bula” is the call, they must by now have heard of the Shooter. Get some balls, stretch the torn rotators, apply my new mozzie repeller around my ankle and we are set Bro, slide out the first money maker and smooth a little thin one of the bottom edge, pretend you meant it Shooter, pretend you meant it. Didn’t even look up, stretch the shoulder again and there it is a perfectly flighted 56 degree wedge that compresses out of the toe and lands softly. Oh yeah bitches, this shit is on.
Shotgun start off the second tee, fucked if I know why I didn’t get the first fucking tee for fucks sake, I have to be near the lead of the Fiji PGA order of Merit by now, political bullshit. Meet the guys, Claude, Armishishhash and Emanuel Coconut (I told you this is culturally insensitive). They are expecting big things out of the Shooter, so am I.
Driver, hard pull, 120 meters left of the aiming point, those of you that have played Natadola know 20 meters is dead, 120 it’s fucking munted over there. Irish drop rule in place, drop, hit green, 3 putt for double, fuck this pro stuff is a bit harder than I thought. Par the next easily by missing an 8 footer downhill, par next easy, just working my way into it, 5th par 5, flush the driver up the right, smash a 3 wood 90 meters right into the bunga, Armishhash and Coconut tell me they would find it, I said, be fucked, there is some bad shit over there my brothers, put your shoes back on, we aren’t searching.
Lose another one, second shot up 6 hard left after flushing driver make another double, par a couple to turn in 42, fuck me, what a roller coaster the is pro tour has been. Make the turn and fucking pump up Shooter.
Par 10 after pumping the driver down there. Pump driver again up 11, pull it fractionally, when I say fractionally, I mean 40 yards, another lost one, fuck me, this is fucking fucked mate. Smash driver through the green on 12, make 4, lose another in that fucking stupid fucking lake you can’t see on 14, alright, I knew the fucker was there, it’s always been there.
Standing over the tee shot on 17, Armishhash is on the phone …….. still ……. been on the fucker all day, walking on lines, yapping in my new native tongue, and throwing the phone back into the cart at the worst times. Hit it up the right, Coconut hits his second up a fucking palm tree, almost scales it to get the fucker, now that’s a sight to see, Armishhash on the phone, hits another shot 3 yards further into the rough, I thought I was going bad, Claude is now pissed off and says you need to get off the phone and play or pick it up. Wow, now I am torn, stick up for my new brother or stick up for a fellow PGA member albeit a different country. Coconut still wiping the blood from his arm as after climbing the tee looks threatening. A Fijian Stand-off ensues.
Tempers calm, white fellas still alive. 2 to play. Finish bogey bogey for a calm 82. Fuck me, bought some balls from the ball sellers to make sure I made it through the day. In all not too bad 39 putts, 5 lost balls, almost killed twice.
Just another day on the Pacific Island Tour.
Tour player Shooter out